Thursday, December 4, 2008

Florida to MN: Thanks!

So now it is official. The most incopmetent state with regards to elections is no longer Florida. The king has been dethrowned by a virtual unknown by the name of Minnesota. It was a true underdog performance. Candidates vying for the top spot included Ohio and Pennsylvania. But plucky Minnestota came out of nowehere to win the title.

The strategy MN used was simple. First one of its major parties nominated a hideous, vile, disgusting human being named Al Franken. This is the same Al Franken from the failed experiment called Air America. And the same Franken that wrote for SNL. The same guy that was caught evading taxes in 3 separate states. The same Franken that almost hit his opponent after a debate.

In the election itself, Franken lost by 750 votes. However being a Democrat, he could not accept defeat. So he asked for a recount. And when he lost that recount, he asked for another. And when he lost that recount he asked for another.

During these recounts, funny things happened. Boxes of votes were found.One box was found in the car of an election worker. Why that election worker had a box of ballots in her car, was never known. Not to be outdone, 3 weeks later another box was found in the basement on a polling station. And amazingly enough both of these boxes generated a lot of net votes for Franken. Completely coincidental, the head of Minnesota's election board was an Obama supporter and chief fund raiser. And completely by chance, the lead of 750 has withered away to a lead of less than 100. Incredibly and statistically speaking a billion to one, every vote that was misplaced or lost of mishandled was a vote for Franken. Now that's what I call determination. Ohio ain't got nothing on you there Minnie. At least there, they try to at pretend to be objective. Nobody but MN has the balls to be so daring as to give the Democrat 100% of new votes.

All that simply gave MN a shot at the title. What happened yesterday however put it over the top. Yesterday it was discovered that 129 votes had been counted twice in Minneapolis. Hmmm, interesting that it took 3 recounts to discover this, uhm, "error". Yeah that's it, an honest mistake made innocently enough by a tired poll worker.

Oh and I forgot to mention, the Lizard People. who received several votes in Minnesota. No this is not a joke. It's a link to the NY Times, not The Onion.

So congrats Minnesota. You've worked hard all year I'm sure. From the ACORN training camp in February to the final week in November. I congratulate you for you steady devotion to stealing elections. You make us all proud.

Good luck in 2010....I hear Ohio has some strong draft picks and will be a serious contender.


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